Searching for Compromise
To those of you who read this series regularly, it’s no secret that I have all but given up on my exercise regimen. I rapidly went from doing well (twice weekly at Curves and trying to walk more around my apartment complex) to doing nothing (I’ve been to Curves just once in the last three weeks). And, if I’m honest with myself, part of this is because I don’t want to exercise. I love how I feel once I’m done, but getting there is my biggest problem. I hate changing my clothes and then changing them again, especially when it’s so cold outside. I hate driving there and back – I drive a lot for work as it is, so any time I can spend outside of the car is welcome relief. And I hate the way the circuit coaches act like I should be punished while exercising because I’m overweight. By punished, I mean watched relentlessly so I don’t even think about slacking.
But I also hate the way I look and feel.
Searching for Compromise
I wish there was some type of compromise I could make so I could exercise a little – walk the dog, perhaps, which I have to do each and every day – and lose a lot of weight. One of my friends recently started the couch-to-5K program, and that’s something I’m really interested in because it’s self-paced and gets you out of the gym. I know, though, that until the weather warms up, I won’t even attempt anything like that. In Michigan, the air might stay cold right up until May.
I was in a small, local gift shop several days ago speaking with the owner and one of her employees about the pitfalls of womanhood. They both moaned about weight, which seems to be a common conversation topic among most females. But the employee made a great point when she said, “I wish we could all just stop focusing on our body sizes. Why can’t it be acceptable to be less than slim? What is the harm in a little padding on the belly and around the thighs? We’re still human, no matter what we look like.”
The Challenge of Change
And I thought to myself, yes, I am still human even if I’m not a size four. Why can’t I just change my thought processes to accept me the way I am? It really does no good to drive myself crazy trying to lose weight, which I’ve yet to accomplish, and reminisce about the way I used to be. In college I was a size 8, and I never thought twice about my shape or size. The truth is I really didn’t care. Now I’m a size 16, and my weight is an all-consuming issue. I feel the bulge of my stomach when I sit, I try to suck in whatever fat I can for any photos I pose for (which aren’t many), and I try to buy shirts that will camouflage my bulk, if and when I have the spare money.
The whole weight issue has gotten ridiculous.
What is the solution when you don’t want to stay the way you are, but you aren’t motivated to change? Perhaps my feelings of unhappiness are my just dessert, because all I do is whine that I’m a “big girl.” And I’m guaranteed to stay that way until I get into the right frame of mind and challenge myself to do better.