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May 28, 2013 at 2:22 PMComments: 0 Faves: 0

Curves Results Pending

By Jeany Miller More Blogs by This AuthorFrom the Diary of a Fat Woman Blog Series

The good news is that, so far in May, I’ve been to Curves nine times. Unfortunately, I still hate working out because I have absolutely no stamina, and I’m never thrilled with my results at the end of my workout, either.

Waiting For Results

At Curves, you can subscribe to a program called Curves Complete, which provides you with a little chip that’s inserted into each of the circuit’s workout machines during your regimen. Once you’ve finished your workout, you insert that chip into the main computer to read your calculated results. The computer configures a variety of statistics, from calories burned to personal performance on each machine.

My results are never satisfactory. The last time I exercised, my quadriceps performance was at 56 percent. And for some reason, my numbers aren’t improving. Instead, they’re actually dropping. I have no idea what’s going on, but at least I’m moving and burning calories. In and of itself, this is an improvement over sitting on the couch - like I’ve done for years - and wondering what it would feel like to actually exercise.

On the down side, however, I can’t see or feel any positive results. I’ve said before that it’s easy to get discouraged when you don’t reap progress from your efforts, particularly when battling something like weight. And I am discouraged, which I hate admitting because it’s way too soon to feel this way. I'm not a patient person by nature, and I had hoped my body would immediately begin changing with the eating and exercise improvements I’m trying to implement. Needless to say, this hasn't been the case, and I'm already back to battling that nagging little voice in my head saying, “You’ll never be thin.”

The Long Run

I think many overweight people are their own worst enemies. Some of us crash diet, which might help shed a few momentary pounds, but the weight comes back after the diet is finished. Others, like me, wait for some mysterious worldly force to make us thin just because that’s how we want to be. And still others try to live a healthy life, but with time, return to old habits because the results simply aren’t there.

We also doubt ourselves, especially when it comes to having the perseverance to fix whatever has led to the excess weight. I’m not saying overweight people are in some way “wrong,” but that a way of thinking or lifestyle habit must be changed in order to shed the weight. Speaking personally, I know I have a lot that needs to be fixed. On the surface, I have to give up all of my junk food and soda, which I’ve tried diligently to do. I don’t even purchase that stuff anymore, because I know I’ll eat it if it’s here in the house.

But I also need to work on my self-esteem. That voice in my head always repeating words of negativity needs to be silenced forever. And I need to do something positive with my life to show myself I can do it. That means, in part, letting go of past disappointments and determining the person I really want to be. Once I have that knowledge, I need to take the necessary steps to become that person. For now, that starts with weight loss.

So I can’t give up, not yet. I might have a few slips here and there, with a can of pop or a handful of cookies, but I have to keep moving forward. Quitting is easy… trying is difficult, but makes a person better in the long run.

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