Another Rough Week
It’s official: I’m on the downside of my attempts at weight loss. In more than two weeks, I’ve worked out just once. That session actually felt really good; so good that I firmly decided to get to Curves every day this week. But that was Monday, this is Thursday, and I haven’t yet been back since. Not from lack of trying, mind you, because I’ve even kept my gym bag packed and ready inside my car. But, once again, I’ve not had a free minute to myself. I took a two hour break from work on Wednesday night and ate a quiet supper before reading a book for a bit. That’s been the only “me” time I’ve had yet, and now I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. Particularly because the supper I just mentioned consisted of potato chips and pizza. (At least I drank water with it.)
This is about the time when I have previously quit my weight loss goals altogether and tried to live with just being me. The problem is that I don’t like the way I look. In the mirror, my face looks like it has no definition, just chubby cheeks, and I won’t look at my reflection without clothes on; I hate my stomach so much that it disturbs me to see it. I even hate the way my stomach feels when I sit down, like it’s sagging over my abdomen. Ugh!
There’s no denying I really need some help here. The biggest area in which I can’t seem to get it together is with time management. I’m certain somebody not living my life could see precisely where I can shave off minutes from particular tasks and/or projects in order to exercise, but I can’t. And, at the moment, I’m working three different jobs, so even if I do have 10- or 15-minute breaks here and there, I feel like I need to just sit quietly, without thinking or doing, in order to recharge. I’m at a total loss.
I want so badly to lose weight that I even purchased the workout DVD for home that I had mentioned last week. It’s some kind of dance routine, which sounded much less like exercise to me (I like to dance, although I’d never be caught dead doing it in public). But, needless to say, it’s still sitting wrapped in cellophane, the price tag still in place, on my television console. I’m pretty sure I won’t burn any calories with the DVD resting as sedentarily as I have been.
And that’s another problem: the fact that I have to sit for my job. There's no alternative, because I must be on my computer, researching and writing whenever possible. I know health experts recommend that people with jobs like mine purchase upright computer desks and stand while working, but that sounds like one of the worst ideas in the world to me. If I have to incessantly be on my computer, I would at least prefer to be comfortable. Call me lazy, but I don’t want to write and design my entire weekly newspaper while standing.
The only good news in this whole tired saga is that the third project I’ve been working on will take a break after this week. I’m really hoping to revamp my exercise after that time. But I can’t help but wonder what will be next, as in what will be the next obstacle that keeps me from getting to Curves. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, mentally or physically; at this point, I’d be happy with a mere five-pound weight loss. At least then I could finally tell you I’ve shed some weight!