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September 3, 2013 at 1:35 PMComments: 1 Faves: 0

How You Look in Shades (yo)

By Dayton from SLN More Blogs by This Author

Sunglasses rock. They are not only a shield from the sun, protecting the eyes from damage, but they are also an extension of self, a piece of a someone's personality. As time has relentlessly shuffled forward, a massive array of sunglass variety has presented itself to the world. In our current cycle of hipster-fashionism there are no longer any single style that is "in". However pointless that statement is, it brings me great joy because it's way easier to be a judgmental people-watcher now that everyone wears what they want. With that sentiment unable to be erased from your brain, read on.

The Aviators

Boom! With the classic av's! I might argue that aviators are one of the most timeless pieces of face-wear. Immortalized by military pilots and then Tom Cruise, aviators are the standard cool kid wear. The guys that are usually seen in aviators have a coldness to their gaze and always seem to be standing with what can be perceived as good posture or arrogant body language, depends on the wearer. The inherent coolness that comes with aviators isn't something to mess with either, if a guy over-wears them or tries being "intimidating" with them, he is obviously a poser and should be banned from ever having these holy shades from ever gracing his bridge again. Looking at you motorcycle cop. 

If an attempt is made to wear aviators, be very cognizant of face shape. The massiveness of the lenses plays much better with a wider set face. Also, if the wearer is tempted to use a totally reflective lens, the aviators become a little bit less cool because the wearer is hiding behind a mirror wall.

For ladies aviators can be super attractive. Like...super...awesome. The main trip up with girls and aviators is how tiny the typical girl face is in relation to the massive aviator glass. Sometimes it just doesn't match up.

The Massives

In almost direct contradiction to the last statement I made, massive sunglasses on girls are awesome. Massive sunglasses on guys that aren't aviators are case by case. Sometimes they knock it out of the park, and sometimes it looks like they just walked out of a 3D movie. With the girls, massive shades add to that sense of mystery of who she is, and overall they just look cool (and have great sun protection!). The massive shades on dudes can sometimes come off as trying way to hard, especially if there is a huge shiny Oakley logo on display. *yawn* No one is impressed because you spend $150 on sunglasses BRO.

If attempting to wear massive sunglasses, you walk a fine line (except for girls it's like walking down the freeway), just make sure they don't make your face look like a robot. 

The Wayfarers

Probably the most popular among the current hipster generation are the wayfarer(ish) style glasses. The truest wayfarer-y of the wayfarers (as in the ones made by ray-ban) seem to have sunk into irrelevance due to their stupidly huge price tag in relation to what a customer actual got, but all the spinoff styles have created some pretty cool frankensuess sunglass children. Oddly enough, I think that the original black Wayfarers that were huge in the 50s and 60s look dumb. Even though these are the same glasses that were made famous by Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi in The Blues Brothers, I'm not crazy about them. 

The good news is that there is a pair of this style for everyone! The past few years have littered the faces of countless 20-something surf-inspired hipsters with brash multicolored sunglasses that are reminiscent of the original Ray-Ban pair that was patented in 1952, and almost certainly there is a pair you will like. Lately I have been rocking a pair that has dark brown translucent rims/arms with a lighter amber lens and every once in a while I break out some half-rim iridescent fire shades. Whichever color combo is picked, be it subtle or insane, make sure you OWN IT!

The Sportsman

Because I have never been a serious skeet shooter/fisherman/baseball player/nascar watcher, I never got into these, but it seems like there is an entire bud light fueled sub-culture that buys these things. I guess I really don't even know what they are called, but they are these things:

Yeah...those things. I guess they are like a stylized version of safety glasses used on a shooting range? Either way, moral of the story is when people wear these they automatically look like they are a NASCAR fan. 

I hope by reading this blog you feel sufficiently judged, or at least marginally entertained.

Now spend the next 20 minutes melting brain cells away!

Charlie The Unicorn

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1 Comment

  • did you forget about prescription! some of us just need plain ole prescription sunglasses.

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