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June 6, 2013 at 8:00 AMComments: 0 Faves: 0

When friendships are no longer friendships anymore, part 1

By Colleen Hammer More Blogs by This Author

Three is a Crowd

Friendship is something we as human beings crave. We all want that friendship that is reciprocal, and someone to talk to throughout the ups and downs in our life. We want a listener, and want to listen to them. We do not like being lonely. I have always found myself on the outside of a friendship, watching two people enjoy it and have relationships on their own. I call it being a third wheel, or an odd girl out. Whichever definition you may use, it is when you feel like you are not included in the friendship and feel like you are being withheld from a conversation. No matter how much you change it, you will never be a part of that friendship. You will always feel like an outsider, even though you brush it from your mind.

I have been a part of many friendships where I have been in this situation. I try not to think of it like that, but it is often hard to when there is someone else out there spending more time with the person and you are being put to the side. Recently, I lost another friendship that was pretty close to me. We had spent a good portion of time together, but something had changed within her. I met her through my fiancé Rick, and she had started being more distant with me over time. We had a friendship that was pretty close. I asked her to be my maid of honor for our wedding. She was excited to plan my wedding with me. I felt like for the first time I was friends with a female who did not reject me. 

Katherine started changing over time, and that made me wonder how often people can put on a guise and show a different side to themselves over time. I have met many people who fit that description, and in that case you just need to be a stronger person and have a positive mind. When people leave your life, you have more room for other people.

Even now, I am still confused by what had happened. It was an abrupt change, to which even Rick was puzzled over. My friend no longer considered me a friend whom she could talk to. I found out that this was because of her other friend Kim, who tends to grow jealous when she hangs out with other people. I had met her once at the mall, when Rick and I had bumped into. Katherine said hi, and asked who her friend was. Kim replied, "I'm her best friend. Duh." I swallowed hard at this, taken back by the attitude. I felt that this was the defining moment that showed who she was as a person. I feel first impressions are important, because they solidify characteristics. The personality I summarized from her was someone who was dominant and trying to say back off to anyone who tried to interfere with her and Katherine's friendship.

She started taking summer classes at a community college, so Katherine's plate was full for the time being. I understood that she was busy, and did not ask to hang out as much as I used to. Every now and then, however, I would ask her if she could make a certain date to hang out with Rick and I. When she did not reply, I assumed it was because she was busy or doing homework. That was okay with me. Being a graduate, I remembered the stress and tension of taking college classes. I had not forgotten being flooded with homework. So I understood that she may be busy. But when I found out she was busy and still making time for other people instead of me, I became upset.

Naturally I did not tell her, because I did not want her to think ill of me. But that happened anyway because she was slowly turning into a different person. It was inevitable what happened to her, because her friends had brought out a side of her that was changed. She was no longer happy to hang out with me, nor did she think we had anything in common. She told me that she didn't feel like we needed to be friends. From what I had seen on Facebook, her idea of fun with her friends was going out to bars and drinking wine. A majority of their friendships were alcohol induced, nor were they anything Rick and I had done with her. By telling me we had nothing in common, she was rejecting the old life she had for a new one.

Rick and I were hurt by this, but we still have each other. I realized I had a friendship that has withstood nearly two years, and has been a supportive one. Rick is a Virgo. Being two sides of the fence, he has the ability to listen to my female traits and also my not-so-female traits. He always makes me feel wanted, and has been a better friend to me than anyone else has. I have not truly lost anything when Katherine walked out of my life. In the final moments of our friendship, I did not use hateful words towards her like I would in the past. I said defeated, "I can't convince you. I'm sorry."

Because I couldn't convince her, I let it go. It was no use telling her of all the things we had in common when she wouldn't believe in it anymore. Someday she would realize her error, but it would not be today. Nor would it be tomorrow. Maybe not even next week. But I hope that in driving away her past friends she does not truly end up with people who aren't right for her. In all honesty, that is her mistake to make if it is true. All individuals have a right to make a choice, and in that choice they assume responsibility for actions taken. 

When one door closes in your life, another one opens. Everything happens for a reason. You are never truly alone when you think you are. Fortunately for me, I have someone who has been there for me in this time of need and helped me see the good that came from it. 

I will be okay, because I have so much more to look forward to in my life.

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