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July 3, 2013 at 8:00 AMComments: 0 Faves: 0

Reflecting Relationships: How Positive Relationships Affect You to Perform at Your Best

By Colleen Hammer More Blogs by This Author

My relationship with my family is different than it was when I was a child, but that has come with its pros and cons. I find it is easier to relate to things I couldn't when I was younger, but then I also have times where I feel I "know more than they do". Maybe it is because I have the advantage, or the disadvantage of being more involved in technology than they do. I can't quite decide yet which it may be. Sometimes I envy their life, but I know I will be there it's not out of my reach.

I feel going to a university really changed my perspective on my family relations, mostly due to how much support they gave me through it. There were times I wanted to quit, but my parents reassured me it would pay off. Because of this, my relationship with my family is stronger due to their influence over my collegiate career.

Positive Habits Reflect on Others

The best grades I ever had was my senior year when my relationship with my parents was strong. I also met my fiancé that year, who had great studying habits. He viewed school the same way as I did, and I focused better because of it.

This made me pose the question: Can positive relationships really change your outlook on life? I had the worst grades when I was alone during college, and it ended up giving me a negative outlook as well. I did not feel like I could make it through school, like my father stated before. There were a lot of times I felt like quitting, but I knew that my parents were there for me. If I did not have my relationship with my family like I did, I think I would have quit college.

Don't Change for Others

The biggest issue I had with friendships is thinking that I had to be good enough for them. It isn't worth it to go outside your expectations for others. You shouldn't have to change who you are for someone.

I learned this firsthand years ago, when a relationship made me question whether I was smart enough for someone. They told me many times I was stupid, and I went out of my way to prove that I wasn't. 

I encountered another experience with a past friend, where she did not believe I was being reasonable about my good outlook on my appearance. She told me that I was conceited because I said I looked pretty, and it made me feel like I had done something wrong. How could it be that when I felt my best, I was still not doing enough for a person? Did I have to feel horrible about myself? I knew the answer was closer than I thought.

Re-evaluating Yourself

Whenever I felt lost in the commotion of people, I always turned to myself and reflected on my interactions with people. My family reassured me that my relationships with other people were great, it was just the wrong people in my life that gave me negativity I did not need.

Removing Negative Self-Talk

After I removed toxic relationships, I still felt like the scars from the relationships still remained in my life. Often I would berate myself mentally, and I realized these were from the friendships I had where people were telling me to change things about myself. Once I took note of this I was able to recognize each time I did it and try to eliminate it. But I still do fall prey to doing it over time.

The most important thing I did was to try and recognize all the good things I was doing. This helped me encourage myself further, and made me able to focus on the positive when I was clouded by the negative.

Good vs. Bad: The Tipping Scale

If you ever felt that you are filling your mind with more negative than positive, turn to another person and have them encourage you. If you are not able to do so, write down things that are good in your life along with the bad. If the good outweighs the bad, try to make the good the dominant scale that is weighing. Cut the bad out of your life that is clouding your visions, one small step at a time. Track your progress and give it time. It doesn't happen in a day, or a week. But over time, you will find that your outlook on your own life will flourish in the positive relationships with yourself and others. 

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