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May 30, 2013 at 8:00 AMComments: 1 Faves: 0

Honest Living: Speaking in Turn

By Jeany Miller More Blogs by This Author

Impending Nuptials

My boyfriend’s 24-year-old daughter is getting married in July. She has been dating her fiancée for about eight years, and they’ve lived together for the last four. He is 26, with a pleasant personality, and he comes from a nice family. But, aside from these simple facts, I am dead-set against the marriage. I’ve kept my thoughts to myself for some time, choosing to sit on my feelings rather than share them. But I finally couldn’t hold it in anymore and explained what I thought to my boyfriend. Needless to say, he was a little taken aback.

Both of these two lovebirds are unemployed, without any prospects for jobs or even a place to live. They are members of the band my boyfriend’s sons started, and, as such, they sporadically tour across the United States. While I fully support this group (six in total) chasing their dreams, I think they need to be held accountable for their choices. Accordingly, I feel Cally and Jason shouldn’t get married, because they haven’t the means to support themselves or build a home together.

Not only is the bride-to-be unemployed, but her father ensures she is adequately provided for. He pays her monthly cell phone and car insurance bills and supplies money to her whenever she needs. He also foots these same bills for her fiancée.

To make matters worse, my boyfriend is paying for the wedding all by himself. I know the bride’s father normally accepts such responsibility, but this situation is unique. Cally left home at age 18 and has declared many times that she is completely independent. She also planned her wedding without any input from her father. This means she created the guest list, organized the photographer, and selected the menu without considering for the cost. Therefore, while she tours carefree with the band, her father is trying to find the means to pay for this huge and elaborate wedding.

Arrested Development

Perhaps the most disturbing aspect of this situation, however, is that Cally and Jason aren’t mature enough to be married. She purchased an iPad and password-protected it so that he can’t use it. At local band performances, I’ve watched her flirt with other men and accept drinks they purchase for her. Once, she even broke up with Jason after discovering he couldn’t attend a Katy Perry concert because of school (this was in 2012, when they were both enrolled in college courses).

Of course, Jason isn’t without his own faults. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life and says that touring with the band for now is more than enough. He hasn’t considered important future events, like the need to purchase health insurance or plan for a family. And he’s content with housing Cally at his grandparents’ house until the band again hits the road for another tour.

It was difficult to explain to my boyfriend the way I see this situation, not the least of which is because Cally isn’t my daughter. I’ve felt for some time that I shouldn’t voice my thoughts about his kids because that would mean possibly speaking out of turn. But I don’t want to continue being the person who lets life roll right by her. Instead, I want to be an active participant in the events around me. So, I swallowed my fears and told my boyfriend exactly what I think about the upcoming wedding. Shockingly, I learned he feels the same way. How’s that for a benefit of honest living?

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1 Comment

  • Surprising, I was hoping you and the boyfriend weren't on poor speaking terms because of this. Realistically, people who cannot take care of themselves should be told such, but in this world people are pampered at times that they feel someone will always be there as a crutch. But in the end, we are all afraid to speak our minds. I am too much sometimes, and I sit back and take the back seat and feel that maybe I will insult someone. Good for you for speaking your mind.

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