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June 3, 2013 at 8:00 AMComments: 1 Faves: 0

Honest Living: So Much for Vindication

By Jeany Miller More Blogs by This Author

The Chance of a Lifetime

When I first left my ex-husband, I fantasized of how I would react if he asked me to come back. I thought of what it would feel like to hear him tell me he was wrong. And I imagined the satisfaction in telling him that I had moved on.

Unfortunately, the actual occurrence paled in comparison to my fantasy. He called this week and asked if I would have dinner with him to “talk.” I have to confess, this wasn't entirely unexpected, given that he and his “fiancée” broke up some time ago. When he admitted that I was one of the first people he told, I had a feeling he might be sniffing around my door again. I know him, which means I know he can’t be alone for very long. So it made sense that he would call and ask for some of my time…he doesn’t have any other options right now.

In response to his “dinner” request, I asked what he wanted to discuss. Not surprisingly, he gave me his typical beat-around-the-bush answer. “I just want to see how you’ve been and talk a little bit.”

Right, but talk about what? Without hearing the words fall from his mouth, I understood what he was saying. I confronted him by asking, “Are you hoping to talk about us?”

“Well, yeah,” he replied in a defensive tone.

A Dream Deferred

This was the point in the conversation where I was supposed to feel a thrill of triumph. But I didn’t. In fact, all I felt was anger. He is the man who cheated on me at least three times (that I know of), in addition to embarking on probably three other infidelities that I’m sure occurred but have not yet been confirmed. He destroyed my confidence, ruined my hopes for a family, and wasted more than four years of my life. Because of his irresponsibility, and my naiveté, my credit is ruined and my finances are in great disarray. And he honestly believed I would have dinner with him to discuss us?

These haunting thoughts flew through my mind during our phone conversation, but I revealed nothing to him. I have neither the energy nor the desire to argue with him. It’s pointless, serving only to stir up bad memories and make me feel completely inadequate. So, I politely told him I was busy and hung up the phone.

Thankfully, I haven’t heard from him since. I hope this is the last of it. I don’t wish ill on him, only that he leaves me alone. Permanently. That is, after all, the point of divorce. Truthfully, I found life with him intolerable, so I’m not likely, at this point, to go back. I just wonder why he doesn’t see this.

So, my hopes for redemption were crushed. I don’t feel vindicated, and I don’t feel like I finally got the last laugh. In a relationship like the one we shared, nobody comes out ahead. He will, in all likelihood, find another woman pretty quickly. He effortlessly charms females, saying all the right things and acting in all the appropriate ways. It’s therefore safe to say he won’t be single for long. And by that time, he’ll have once more forgotten about me. The difference now is that I’m okay with that. In fact, speaking honestly, I hope for it.

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1 Comment

  • That's great. I always look back to friendships that ended and think, "Someday they'll come back. ...But what do I say then? How do I act?" It's similar to how you felt about your ex-husband. How you thought he would come back, and what you would do. But the revenge isn't the same after a while. It loses its taste in your mouth and you feel almost dissatisfied with the idea. I am glad you handled it well, though. A good lesson for anyone to learn that revenge isn't so great, and to be the better person and walk away.

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