Honest Living: Same Stuff, Different Day (Part I)
What an interesting week I’ve had, thanks to a highly unlikely source: my ex-husband. It appears he is quite lonely, and who should he decide to turn to during his time of need? You guessed it… me. He broke up with his fiancee and now needs a shoulder to cry on. I’m not sure why I’ve been chosen as the candidate, but most of his actions are inexplicable to me, so at least nothing has changed.
According to his version of the story, he kicked her out of their house because of her two younger children (she has three). They allegedly wiped their dirty hands on the couch, left food lying in their bedrooms until a colony of ants moved into and spread throughout the whole house, and threw wet towels on the bathroom floor after a shower. Once the towels were good and moldy, the kids would ask their mother what the ensuing smell was.
I have no idea if this saga is fact or fiction. Certainly children can be messy, so some truth may be gleaned from what he said. My guess, however, is that most of the circumstances surrounding his and his break-up will remain forever unknown to me.
The irony of this situation is not lost on me. The newly minted ex is the last woman with whom he conducted an extra-marital affair before he and I finally parted ways, and now that their relationship has ended, he’s calling me. Granted, he’s not even so much as hinted that he wants anything more from me than friendship, but he has called five days in a row, and on one day, he rang multiple times before I finally relented and answered. He wants back with his fiancee, I know that much, but I think he did something pretty bad that caused her to leave in a fit of anger. He may be past the point of no return with her, so he has to get sympathy where he can.
But I’ve gotten ahead of myself – let me explain. Because I’m trying to speak more honestly with others, I gave my ex-husband a moment of pause after his story about the children. And then I said, without fanfare, “If you miss her, why don’t you call her? Just think, you could be speaking to her right now instead of me.”
Please know I didn’t mean these words sarcastically. My statement simply reflected what I thought; the truth is that I don’t want to be his shoulder to cry upon. I can say without hesitation that I’m over the heaping pile of hurt that he inflicted on me. From the first affair to the last, I struggled to understand that he had the problem, not me, and that I couldn’t have changed him regardless of what I looked like, what clothes I wore, or what job I held.
I can also say, without even a tinge of sadness, that he never loved me. I don’t know why he wanted to be with me in the first place, but he did. And he wanted to get married. As soon as we said those vows, however, his whole attitude toward our relationship changed. He didn’t care about the concept of “us,” and in turn, it didn’t matter to him if I cared or not. We were a partnership, united to pay bills and, if fate should see fit, have a child. Nothing more, nothing less.
As his wife, I was also expected to provide him with dinner, run his errands and praise his virtues. Once more, I’m speaking honestly, not sarcastically.
*Please stay tuned for the conclusion of this blog on Thursday*