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PMDD Madness

By — One of many PMS/PMDD blogs on

I found this site this morning as I searched Google in a rampage to find a solution to my 12-year-long battle with PMDD. I want to share my story for the sole purpose that it may help someone else who is in the same situation as I am.

It was a spring day in 2005 and I was at a McDonalds drive-thru with my husband and five-year-old- son. I listened as my husband ordered my meal, which included large fries and a medium drink. He listened and watched as I started flapping my arms all over, crying and screaming, "I said I wanted F*#@$% medium fries and a large drink". A week later, I was trying to figure out what had happened. I had no idea who that woman was that had that psychotic episode. Then I realized that was not the first time I had an outburst, it was just the most severe of the outbursts. I did not like who I was during those times and really started to monitor my behaviors. I diagnosed myself with PMDD in 2005. I went to a psychiatrist with my self-diagnosis and a folder of factual evidence. I showed him my attendance card from work for the past year and pointed out that I missed work the same time every month. I told him during those periods I felt like I could not function, "I feel like I am chained to a brick at the bottom of a body of water and my face is just at the surface. I am an obvious distress but everybody keeps looking at me and walking by." I also mentioned that I had two in-patient mental health stays and each of them was during the 2 weeks before my period started. (I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in 1998). He agreed that I had severe PMDD. Here it is in 2012, 7 years later, and I cannot tolerate these feelings any longer. I quit drinking 14 months ago after being diagnosed with alcohol dependency and I thought that may help my "Major Depressive Disorder" but I am beginning to become even more aware that this IS 100% PMDD. I can tell you what day of my pill pack I am on based on my mental stability. Like clockwork, I fall apart at day 14 and the emotional chaos does not end until the day after I start bleeding. I am tired of struggling. I do not want to live this way anymore: I feel like I live a double life every month, I plan my life around my menstrual cycle, and I isolate myself and I have ruined intimate relationships, including my marriage ( my husband asked for a divorce in 2005).

I have decided I will be speaking to my doctor about a hysterectomy. No person should have to live this way...who wants to be incapable of enjoying her whole life? Right now, I am only enjoying half of my life. I do not want 2 weeks out of the month, I want the whole thing!!!

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