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June 24, 2013 at 5:17 PMComments: 0 Faves: 0

5 Ways I Can See Through Your Food Snobbery

By Big Dave from SLN More Blogs by This Author

5. You're a mixologist.

So was I, back in high school. I went to 7-11 and mixed all the fountain drinks in a single cup. Anyone can pour crap in a cup. If you want to impress me, make your own beer or flavor your own spirits.

4. Your spice blend contains both coriander and cilantro.

Coriander and cilantro are the same plant, and unless you're distinguishing which parts of it are in your blend, you're full of crap. You're full of crap. See? I can repeat myself too.

3.Your "local" farmers' market produce is covered with stickers...

...and if my guess is right, those stickers say nothing about local. If we're really going farm-to-table, there's probably not much in the way of labeling being done to mark  things like, y'know, country of origin. Even your "local" Florida apples that somehow migrated north for the summer know that your "local" claims are crap, and apples don't even have brains.

2. You made [something clever] with bacon

It was impressive the first five minutes, but all the warning signs point to an overplayed fad. I could've lived with the bacon-themed sub-Reddit and bacon novelty products, but you know it's all moot when even Denny's has a whole menu dedicated to bacon mash-ups.

1. You use "organic sea salt".

Salt is a mineral. Organic means "living". Minerals don't live.Your high school biology teacher is spinning in his grave over your misuse of the term "organic".

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