As a young woman suffering from several psychiatric difficulties, I've often had a lot of strain in my past and current relationships. My parents and I do not see eye-to-eye on several things, though that is normal for most. However, I have gotten a lot of flak from making careless mistakes and tend to argue or bicker constantly. My work environment, though not something too bad, often makes me feel anxious, worried, and undesired. Only a few of my coworkers actually talk to me, perhaps because I'm not too great with the "social" aspect of speaking to people on their level. My friends are not always attentive of my anxiety and depressed moods, though I love them dearly since I understand they are internally good people who don't always have time for every moment I experience adverse emotions. My boyfriend is very supportive, but I am often too scared to show him the darker sides of my personality for fear that he will not recognize me as the woman he fell for. But none of that compares to how much I loathe my own sense of being alive... Often, I'll look in the mirror and curse my being born, wishing that the days would stop moving by so that I could finally just get a hold on my life... I blame myself for everything, yet I will go out of my way to stop another's suffering. Maybe I just feel as though this is what I deserve... I believe that I'm a terrible person sometimes, and I don't deserve the things I have gotten out of this life, especially not the love of a man so tender and sweet as my boyfriend... His jokes, sweet nothings, and embrace are things I wish I could accept as something I have earned, but I am never satisfied with myself. My parents have done their best to raise me, and they've done a lot for me, but I don't feel like I deserve such love... I rarely sleep anymore, with these thoughts running through my mind. Always the same thoughts and queries...
Now that I've given even background... My questions are rather straight-forward. What can I do to obtain balance in my life? How can I let my loved ones understand my pain without becoming a burden? What kind I do to find relief?
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