Share
You could earn SmartPoints on this page!SmartPoint Coin

December 28, 2012 at 3:20 PMComments: 2 Faves: 0

Stoke the Embers

By E.M. Wollof from SLN More Blogs by This Author

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before." - Edgar Allan Poe

The embers swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium, and I fade.

I am here now. You called me and I came, for what purpose I have yet to decipher, but I am here none the less.

Bury me softly in this womb

I give this part of me for you

Why? Why is the pull so strong? For as long as I have known this experience, I have walked countless paths more noble than thee, yet here I always return. This darkness binds me, holds me true, holds a truth I have come to love.

Sand rains down and here I sit

Holding rare flowers in a tomb...in bloom

This truth, this reality, this feeling, this intuition, I can not explain it, other than to say I can not escape it. I have tried, numerous times have I tried, but always I return. There is anger here, but the flame does not rise. No, the rage is but embers, and they do swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved

See my heart, I decorate it like a grave

The picture feels large, but the canvas is so very small. I am told the thoughts should be purged from my mind, that they belong in younger minds more equipped for these exercises in futility. Alas, I can not. For though these thoughts may drain me, though they may cover me in darkness, they also let me be free, let me be me.

You don't understand who they thought I was supposed to be

Look at me now, a man who won't let himself be

There is a guilt in me for loving this place so. A guilt so very appealing in its simplicity. "Fear thou not; for I am with thee." Where? Where are you deity? Where do you hide? Where do you cower? I see you not in this darkness, nor in the light. "Be not dismayed; for I am thy God." You were my god. You were my guide. You were my answer. You were these things, and I was afraid of losing them, for they felt so right, so comforting. "I will strengthen thee." I thought that once, once when I was so very alone, but no more. In the finding of myself, the losing of you was so very liberating. "Yea, I will help thee." Save your charity small cherub, I hold no cup for you to fill. "Yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Thy hand is full deity. Full of ignorance. Full of arrogance. Full of your self-righteous children. There is no room for me there. The embers swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

Down in a hole, feelin' so small

Isolation. Hard though I may try, links to other minds come at a price, subservient in their nature, pure as they may be.

Down in a hole, losin' control

Control is a lie, an effort in futility. Rail as I may against the idea, the control is fleeting, blocking out my sun when achieved. Out of control, I may call this darkness life. I may call this umbrage living.

I'd like to fly

But my wings have been so denied

I fly through this darkness, held aloft by the embers. They do swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium. The screams. The cacophonous screams of those desperate for an ear bent in their direction. They would have me land. They would have me settle. They would have me shed this darkness, have me come into their light. Their light is so dim, so like generations passed. Not their own is this light, not their own at all.

Down in a hole and they've put all the stones in their place

I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste

The backs, they do turn. They turn not in disgust, but in cowardice. They leave their pity with Time, for they believe he will weather this darkness, believe he may wear me down. They know not that I walk with Time, he is my dear friend. Minutes, moments, mountains, I walk not in the shadows of ideals, but in the darkness of doubt.

I have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth

I will speak no more of my feelings beneath

History would bid me scream aloud the patterns I see, the cycling of human minds, but Time has done his work upon the masses. Heads may turn at the voice of reason, but the minds remain closed. The walls are too high, built upon dead rhetoric and ideas of safety. The mortar that holds them true, green in hue, ripped from pieces of me, pieces of you. Protected these walls are, by ancient text, parchment from Times long past, screaming indifference, intolerance, indiscriminate superiority. They would say Times have changed, but they would be wrong. Freedom to speak reigns, but to listen, to listen would be death. So I take comfort in stoking the embers, for they do swell, encompassing realities in tedium.

Down in a hole, feelin' so small

I seek not the connection, only the justification. Am I real? Do I exist? Is this sustainable?

Down in a hole, losin' control

One small step. The infinite space between lift-off and footfall packed with minutes, memories, moments, mountains, I know not where the next step may lead, only that I must take it.

I'd like to fly

But my wings have been so denied

Enough! I care not for your drivel beasts! You slobbering, slaving, sons of sadistic sycophants, I hate you! Your very existence entices me to end mine. To live in this world with you pains me. To breathe the same air exhausts me. Remain on your knees, slaves to your masters, thinking not of individuality, only of the end. The embers swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

Bury me softly in this womb

Oh I want to be inside of you

Gently she bids me look to myself. So much power she holds, I can not resist the pull. Looking down I do discover that which I never thought could exist. A link! The embers swell across the bridge, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

I give this part of me for you

Oh I want to be inside you

Hold me close, I beg. Let me see what it means to be seen. Let me hear what it means to be heard. Let me feel what it means to be felt. Let me be me, and will be forever.

Sand rains down and here I sit

Holding rare flowers in a tomb...in bloom

Oh I want to be inside...

Transcendence. No longer I, no longer me, just be. The embers swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium. The end does draw nigh, the point of deciding. Acceptance against Perseverance. Choose one and fade to dust, choose the other to risk the rust. Headlong into the grave we tilt, foregoing the ceremony of the Rose, losing that once held dear, in turn for the ability to steer.

Down in a hole, feelin' so small

The canvas removed, the picture remains. No longer a form to be understood, only navigated. Place words here, put feelings here, they will be found someday, in one form or the other. Will it last? Will we? This does not matter. Into the breach, headlong and willful we scream of the attempt, never the victory. I will die. I will die knowing. I will die knowing I. I will die knowing I tried.

Down in a hole, losin' my soul

The link sustains me. The smaller pieces are dead, but the machine remains, as I believe it always will. The backs may remain turned, but I see the embers, they do swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium. Soon the mettle will be tested, the girder bested, the Tower found and cycled onto the next wordslinger.

Down in a hole, feelin' so small

A speck, a skin fleck, a rusted hinge holding the door closed, the body remains, but the ideas flow free. I will always remain this way, but you will feel my heat, for the embers do swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

Down in a hole, outta control

I know not the future, the direction, the flow, the findings, only that they will occur whether I desire them or not. Steel thyself wordslinger, I beg, for the wolves they do come, ideas will spill, heads will roll. Left standing among the ruins will be those true to the link, true to the heat.

I'd like to fly

But my wings have been so denied

The embers swell, encompassing realities lost in tedium.

More from E.M. Wollof from SLN Others Are Reading

2 Comments

  • Beautifully written, Neal. I think that often times atheists are viewed as nihilists, but your words speak to the beauty of an enlightened mind. The subject matter is controversial, but the perspective is pure.

  • Much appreciated Kyle, thank you.

Comment on the Smart Living Network

Related Stories

Stoke the Embers article

Upon the Altar

Stoke the Embers article

For My Brothers and Sisters in Tune

Stoke the Embers article

The Inferno

Stoke the Embers article

A Minion By Any Other Name

Stoke the Embers article

Dream of the Lost

Stoke the Embers article

The Insane Man

THRIVE Email Newsletter from HelloLife®

Subscribe to the THRIVE Newsletter


Site Feedback