It's been a while since I took the time to blog, and honestly I think it's a much needed post. It's that time of year again. Christmas is calling, and seasonal jobs are hiring. I tried my luck recently and went for a job that I thought maybe I could contribute some sort of worth to.
I was nervous.
At 24, my experience is short. I have done an internship, worked various volunteer programs, and earned my hard earned Bachelor's Degree. But something was missing: a job. A career of sorts, a calling, a reason for my studies. Searching was the hard part. It's funny, guides can tell you all there is to know about jobs. But the process of finding one isn't written in a guidebook. It's learned by doing, trying, failing, and more often than not you will find yourself back in the place you started. Rejection is a common thing in searching for a job.
Sometimes I handle it well. Other times, I crack and curl up in a hot bath crying about where I am supposed to be in my life. I am far from where I thought I'd be. But when I speak to others about it, even family members, they tell me that my feelings are entirely normal (although I don't entirely feel they are).
What can I say for myself? I love to write. It's my passion. It's something I imagine myself doing for a living. I could do it without effort, and I love when I hold a new idea out to my mother to read. Recently she told me she loved something I did, and it made me question if I had been too hard on myself in the editing process. She loved it, and ate it up. She told me, "I wanna know what happens next." ...Was I being too hard on myself? Days after writing it, I felt I could have torn it to shreds. But my mother loved the story, the plot, the main character... She didn't think it was horrible.
We are all too hard on ourselves from time to time. I am a victim of that, since I graduated. I guess I just realized how "real" life can get. How we need to step back and just analyze what we've done, and not what we need to do.